Thursday, May 31, 2007
The above picture is for real and from the NY Post; the interview below is...well...
ESPN Reporter: Is the NY Post’s report correct?
A-Hole: For the most part, except that the lap dances are only $10 CANADIAN. It is such a bargain compared to back home at Scores. Even though I’m a multi-millionare, a penny saved is a penny earned. Did you know that lap dance prices are set by the Canadian government? It is the primary funding source for their national healthcare system.
ESPN Reporter: No, I didn’t know…? Is the rest of the article, right?
A-Hole: Well, one of the two other men isn’t actually a man, if you know what I mean.
ESPN Reporter: What?
A-Hole: Do I need to spell it out for you? Well, I hope not because I’m not sure I can.
ESPN Reporter: Okay. Okay. Let’s move on. I know, as part of your contract, you get a suite on the road. Is a different hotel also part of your deal?
A-Hole: No, but Judas Damon requested that Jason and I stay in a different hotel on the road than the rest of the team. He said that we were keeping the club up at night. Did you know that Jason and I not only share a clubhouse, but also our goal in life to: Hit Like an All-Star, Party Like a Rock-Star and Hammer Like a Porn-Star?
ESPN Reporter: If this is normal on the road activities, how was it made public for the first time?
A-Hole: After discussing it with the Big Stein and my wife, we decided it is best to get Joe Torre’s weak a$$ excuse for not starting Rogah in Fenway off the front pages. Nothing gets the media and the general public in a frenzy more than a sex scandal. I did her; I mean it; for the team and especially Rogah. Us money grubbin’, chokers, and cheap shot artists need to stick together.
ESPN Reporter: Do you have anything else to say?
A-Hole: Huh…“I did not have sexual relations with that woman.”
This post made possible by TicketLiquidator, your broker for baseball tickets and other cheap tickets.