El Guapo's Ghost Rambles on about the Red Sox

THE REAL STORY MEET THE PRESS STYLE

MR. TIM RUSSERT: Our issues this is Wednesday: the Red Sox are without an everyday shortstop, have a future HOFer that wants to be traded and now have lost last season’s starting centerfielder to their heated rival. They also have other question marks of varying degrees all over the diamond. What happens now? Why did Damon turn to the darkside? Could the Sox brass have done anything to prevent this? With us, the Yankees new centerfielder, Johnny Damon, his hot wife and super agent, Scott Boras. And for the Red Sox, the President and CEO of the Boston Red Sox, Larry Lucchino. The Damons, Boras and Lucchino, only on MEET THE PRESS, special Red Sox Nation episode.

Then the politics of Red Sox Nation, the battle over the Nutmeg State and does anyone other than the Yankees have shot at the A.L. East? Insights and analysis from Hall of Famer, Peter Gammons from ESPN, Historian and Red Sox fan, Doris Kearns Goodwin and Washington Post Columnist and baseball novelist, George Will.

But first with us now the new Yankees centerfielder, Johnny Damon, his wife, Michelle, and his agent, Scott Boras. Welcome.

THE DAMONS AND BORAS: Thank you, Tim.

MR. RUSSERT: Before I get to your impact on the Yankees, let me turn to the issue on the front page of all the papers, and that's about your earlier refusal to sign with New York made to MLB.com: "There's no way I can go play for the Yankees, but I know they're going to come after me hard," he told mlb.com last May. "It's definitely not the most important thing to go out there for the top dollar, which the Yankees are going to offer me. It's not what I need." Mr. Damon, what changed over the last ten or so months?

MR. DAMON: Tim, first off, it wasn’t about the money. It was about living and working in the city that never sleeps. My wife and I enjoy the nightlife like Grady Little said and New York’s is far and away better than Boston’s. Plus, the Yankees made me feel wanted. My juicin’ buddy, Jason, called along with Joe Torre and even that a$$hole, A-Rod.

MR. RUSSERT: JUICIN’ buddy? Will you go before Congress to testify if called?

MR. DAMON: Tim…ah…ah….

MR. BORAS: Johnny forgets to add “all natural” juicing buddy…like smoothies and what not. They got loved on those while playing together in Oakland. We’ve got a juice bar in our office back in Newport Beach.

MR. RUSSERT: Okay…let’s get back to the quote, why make such a bold statement in the spring? Roger Clemens made a similar comment, left Boston and eventually played for the Yankees and he has been branded by the Artist Formerly Know as the Boston Sports Guy as the Anti-Christ. Will this happen to you?

MR. DAMON: Tim... the Boston media is out of control, which is the polar opposite of what sweetie Jetes, only I get to call him that, said about their New York counterparts. They made Roger that and the Sports Guy recently relented on his comments.

MR. RUSSERT: Many other players took less to stay with their old teams, most notably, Paul Konerko. Was this a possibility?

MR. DAMON: After Theo left, Larry became the point man for the negotiations and… [Boras kicking Johnny under the table] then all of these Plan Bs were floated. They made me feel like I was replaceable. Even though it is true, no one wants to be told that. It was in stark contrast to the full court press recruitment put on by the Yankees. Sweetie Jetes and A-Rod even invited Michelle and me to a swingers party.

MR. RUSSERT: Can you elaborate on the negotiation process?

MR. BORAS: I am not going to comment on specific conversations with the Red Sox or Yankees. I will say that both offers were competitive and Johnny made the best decision for himself and his family. The Yankees are getting a dynamic leadoff hitter and rangy centerfielder and the YES Network is getting a wonderful anchor, and might I say stripper-like hot, for their equivalent of NESN’s Sportsdesk.

MR. RUSSERT: To be continued. Merry Christmas.

THE DAMONS AND BORAS: Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to you, too.

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With the switch board lighting up with angry callers from the West Coast yelling about East Coast bias, NBC decided to go with Plan B – skipping over Lucchino, substituting Maureen Dowd for Peter Gammons to discuss the first year of W’s second term.

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In all seriousness, Johnny, thanks for the good times: the diving and wall crash catches, getting that Carl Everett taste out of my mouth, the ten pitch at-bats, the homer in Game 4, and the nail in the MFY coffin or grand slammie in MFY Stadium Game 7 of the ALCS. But after lying or completely changing your mind after only ten months, F-U and your trophy wife.